The Next Chapter...

I miss you blog...

2010-11-29T14:10:00.002Z

Yesterday me and Olly broke up. He left the house with a bag and hasn't been back. I think it might be a lasting one. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's bad. I can't let him walk over me, right?

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about Snow Patrol; hearing the music in my head, playing a few riffs on guitar.

I just started playing the music now, and it's amazing how I feel 17 again. It's not that the memories come flooding back, it's that I feel the atmosphere of hedonism, of going to parties, drinking, lying to the police, breaking something, getting caught by parents. Of course, what would my 17th year have been without AG and WM. It's really odd thinking back to the shit that went on, the utter bullshit conversations that went on.

I especially remember the Snow Patrol concert, after me and WM got together, I remember the crowd and how good it felt..

And now, I go out and just get way too drunk and can barely handle it, I can't eat anything I like any more without it going to my hips, I didn't have to care about money, I didn't have to care about finding a job, about getting a good degree, about growing up. I know some shit things happened as well, but I don't think I would change it.

So I'm just going to lie hear and listen to Gary Lightbody and the plain disgrace of all his letters and be 17 again. Just for a bit.

Apologies muchacha

2009-12-02T22:01:00.002Z

It's been a while, faithful readership. Hope everything didn't crumble in my absence. It's been a bit busy in the Furbank camp recently. So here are some gossip points/update shizzle.

October 16th: SG, the cousin of a well known Campbellian, visited me this night. It was surprisingly unawkward and quite a bit of fun! But don't worry, dear readers, there was no naughty business! It was completely platonic!
Nick keeps coming to visit and sleeping on my floor. .At first he spent the evenings looking at texts from me on his phone and getting upset, and it was all a bit strange. But now he says he is completely over me and that he is fine with respect to the Olly situation which will come in the next gossip point........
I'm not going to be very forth-coming on this point. The Olly situation is a long complicated kettle of fish and for once in my life, I'd actually like to keep some things to myself for once. I know I'm not usually seen as a secretive person, but I have actually been quite quiet on a lot of subjects recently. I usually have to confess everything I've done to friends because I feel guilty keeping it from them, which is wank because they keep a lot from me. I tell them because I know they will disapprove of my actions, so I feel guilty. But to be fair, if I don't disapprove of my own actions then that is good enough for me. Right now I'm just trying to live the best way I can. I'm just trying to get along. As regards Olly, a couple of people know tidbits and that is enough for me.
In other gossip news a certain person has kissed a boy! You know who you are!

No other gossip except the state of my faith. Which isn't really gossip.

It's odd at the moment. It's been happening for a while now, so it most definitely isn't university that has done this to me. For a long time, I feel like I've been going through the motions of faith. Doing the things I thought were the right things for a Christian to do. Praying, worshipping, outreach. All that stuff. But I really feel like I'm doing it on my own. That praying is just me talking to myself. Worshipping is just having a good old singsong. Outreach is just being a nice person. And believe me, it's not as if I've fallen into these ways, I've been reaching out to God with everything in me. It's not as if I'm not trying. So, I don't want your disappointment, or your pity, or your judgement, because it's shitty enough that this is happening to me without people telling me it's because I'm not good enough. Feeling like this for so long worries me that the Christian Nation is just a result of wishful delusion due to mass group mentality. That we've all wanted there to be a God so much, that we've imagined voices, and we've induced spiritual feelings. The scariest thing about this thought is how real it is, how, actually, this can happen and it's very common. As a mathematician who deals with logic and proof, I cannot disregard this possibility. I definitely want there to be a God. I can't imagine how we're all just random, that we are nothing more than insignificant animals with no purpose. That thought is too depressing for words and I can't envisage living believing that. I really do not know how atheists do it.

I know that if anyone who is a Christian reads this, they will try to council me, talk to me, pray with me, send me verses. There really is no point, no well chose argument is going to make me hear from God or feel him there because I'm trying to. There is nothing anyone can say to change anything, except if I was to hear it from Him. And He's staying pretty quiet these days.

Is This Real, Or Am I Dreaming?

2009-10-15T14:39:00.004+01:00

Crush - Dave Matthews Band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywNbf0AXL6Y
Just discovered it today! Gorgeous...
I'm going to do a proper music post, soon, maybe tomorrow as I have free time!

Well, Nick was round on the 2nd - 5th and had a bit of a kerfuffle on the Friday as I drank a little too much and had to go to the toilet like every two seconds (Rebecca should sympathise) and there was a huge queue to the union and as luck would have it, needed the loo again and left the queue to get my friend to let me into Telford. Then couldn't get back in the queue. Hate bouncers. Literally just went to bed after that!

I'm continuing to write this in my Communicating Mathematics lab. Where there seems to be two wasps hovering around the back of the room. Thankfully I'm not as psycho as I used to be in History lessons! And, hahaha, Latex is broken so we can leave!!!!

CONTINUED: I'm finishing this about 6 days after I started it...so lets continue

So after Nick was here, have just been v. busy doing CU/Church things, and coursework. My friendships have completely changed since last year which is weird and there's a lot of stuff going on.

The group stands like this:

Inner Core - Me, Talib, Karl, Sam
These are all the people from last year, excluding Nick obvi, as he isn't here.

Then there are the additions to the group in the..
Outer Group - Freshers (Rupert, Charlotte), Returners( Chris Wilson - Karl's friend from his course, Chris Partridge - Chris' friend from Halls, Harman - another Karl's course friend)

Then there are the people who either used to be in the core/outer group or whatever:

The Perimeter Group - Rubeeya (who used to talk to us loads, but now only talks to Sam and her boyfriend), Gabi (only really with us when Marco is here, and has her own friends), Simon (would be but is never around), Alex (who I'm not terribly fond of but don't really know very well, he always hangs around with his brother)

Then there are new people I've met through my corridor (the boys along here who I had a chat with while they played xbox) and through CU and church (coupla guys and girls both freshers and returners)

Anyway...the moment you've all been waiting for...

Gossip Points!

The thing between me and a certain close uni friend has been smoothed over
Chris Wilson hates my guts and takes every opportunity to slag me off and call me a hypocrite a a slut. Basically I said that the drunk girls he shags on a one night stand, after pulling them at the union, are sluts. He took that as "every girl you've ever been out with is a slut". Which in his mind including a girl, who was his best friend, who died. Okay, if I had meant that, then that would be a really horrible thing for me to say, but that is not what I meant at all and he just twisted my words. So he has literally spent the past week mouthing off about me
Most people dislike Chris (Rubeeya, Sam, Karl, Rupert, Talib...etc)
Met with Dillon's cousin Stu on Friday, it wasn't a date, and I don't fancy him, but I had a lot of fun, and he's a good laugh
I'm having problems with my course friends. Like, recently, for example, we had a piece of coursework which I did for 5 hours on friday afternoon because I had no time during the weekend. It was really hard and I wasnt sure about half of it. But the rest of the weekend I had them pestering me about it and then when I give them help they just ridicule me and say I was no help, even though I know I was, as they used my method for part 2. Apart from the fact they used a theorem they found in a book and no one else had learnt. Which is ridic, but that's a whole different kettle of fish with the stupid lecturer. Anyway, I'm sexually abused by them everyday. They never call me Sarah, they call me "tits" and they treat me like I'm not intelligent enough or not up to their standard. Olly says that I'm being arrogant, but I just call it wanting to be seen as equal as a maths student. But no, because I have breasts I cannot be their equal which is upsetting.
I talked to Olly about how I felt about the whole equal thing, and he got upset, as his gf had almost broken up with him over the weekend for the same reasons. He was also upset that I thought that, when actually he did respect me, which I'm really grateful for, and maybe sometimes I just focus on the bad things people say rather than the good, because I realise that Olly is such a good friend to me sometimes but I just focus on the times he upsets me.
I don't think I felt the way I thought I felt at home. I think I was finding it weird being single and ended up confused and being silly thinking a certain way which wasn't actually how I felt...
Jew wants to meet up and chat 'n' such, I think it's as friends as he wants to talk about his girl problems. He's always a laugh so I'll probably go.
WE'RE GOING TO PARRRISSSSSSS! Oui oui

Anyway, free day tomorrow, to do whatever I want. Though I'll probably end up doing my Fractions Presentation (by the by, I find it amusing that Miss Boyd has to do another pesticide presentation. Though I bet nothing will top our screen debut)

I Love You all, especially a shout out for Rebecca Clements, who we all know pesters me to blog so she can read about herself. She is my motivation..

xxxxxxxx

Busy busy busy!

2009-09-30T01:56:00.003+01:00

Which actually makes a huge change from last year.
Going back into Halls is actually fun. Some of the girls from last year weren't the nicest and were very cliquey and they have left, the freshers this year are so cute and happy and friendly. I also have met some cool guys along my corridor, so as well as the friends I already had from last year I'm making new ones.

Sunday: I reregistered. Went to church in Open Heaven which was quite good and am going to this "Cluster" thing on Wednesdays. Then I was dragged out to Wild by Rikki. I only spoke to him like 3 times last year and then he got my msn and number over summer and we spoke a lot. He's very friendly but apparently (according to his friends) he has an agenda. Which is really bad, because I only see him as a friend, and his friends are all really nice and I get on with them but it doesn't seem like I will be friends with them if that's all he wants me for. It was okay, got tired then called Blundy and found out something which I can't really post...but it freaked me out a little, he knows this though, as I told him on the phone. Also saw that guy from CU out, Pete, who was really nice to me and friendly! :)

Monday: First lectures. I'm also proud of myself because I did my exercise DVD for the first time in Lough. I feel sorry for anyone who could hear the latin music, me thumping about and her saying "Don't forget to breathe!"

Tuesday: Loads of lectures, had to reactivate card, more lectures until 6pm then food then leave for CU at 6:45pm, then EHB till 10pm then back at DC for some chilling in Karls room. I fell asleep on his bed I was so exhausted.

So yeah, it's been so busy and packed which is different from last year when I was lazy and stuff. Have the cluster at 6:30pm tomorrow, also going shopping and possibly Hey Ewe. I think this year is going to be way better. My plan for this year has already come through! We adopted a fresher! He started hanging round with Karl and Chris. Chris' friend also lives next to me, and we get on really well and we talk some nights. There are also some really fun guys who go out etc. and invited me for pre drinks tonight (but I was at CU). And another guy down the hall goes to CU! Unfortunately there are literally no girls around this corridor. Or most of DC for that matter.
Anyway, this Fri Nick is over, and he is staying with me! Which should be fun, nothing is going to happen though, so don't worry! It's his, Talib and Simon's birthday thing at the union with Calvin Harris, so that should be good bant!

Later SEXY CHICKS

End of Summer

2009-09-25T16:18:00.004+01:00

A little video surprise! Remember, don't turn off when you *think* it's over...

Gossip Points

Went to Portstewart last Wednesday, where we played the awesome game Roxanne and got a little tipsy. I had a wee in a bush...and all my friends were mean to poor zip..:(
Box last Thursday was Blundy's birthday and we had a very good time!
Then it was Hannah's birthday on the Friday and Dillon turned up having drunk alot of wine and forced the poor waitress to get him another burger...
Saturday was the prophecy meeting at Jo's! And the lady picked me out and said a few things. She saw me with a face shining like a jewel and I was going around touching people and healing them physically, emotionally and spiritually. Also in 2/3 months I was going to have an "explosion of faith" and a vision in which God would tell me what plans he has for my life. Apparently visions will be my spiritual language, and she also saw me writing in the vision. Then a guy and his wife came up to me afterwards and said he had a vision of me in a matrons uniform and was standing to the side in front of people. He said he thinks the matrons uniform signifies authority and that I will be in a position of authority. The best thing about this is that I sometimes feel that, okay God has plans for my life but they aren't that special or important, and sometimes I feel I'm doing the christian thing alone. But this shows me he cares and thinks I'm special!
I have blonde hair back!

There are some other revelations, but they are too personal to be broadcast.

Leaving for university tomorrow. Have half packed. Half strewn across the house.

Agh. Stress.

Dedicated to all my lovely friends..

2009-09-15T16:42:00.002+01:00

You know who you are ;)

Angel In Disguise

They're the sun breaking through my clouds
They're my fresh air, when I'm going to drown
Some say they're from heaven, some you can't see
Mine are real and surrounding me

And I'm singing this song
just to let them know
How lucky I am

They stand by my side
They light up my life
They chase away the pain and the lies
My fears are gone
And it's like coming home
I know I'll be alright, with my angels in disguise.

Some I can call up at any time of night
Some can tell when everything isn't right.
They wipe away the tears that I cry
They know all the secrets I hide

They know all the mistakes that I've made
And they don't care at all

They stand by my side
They light up my life
They chase away the pain and the lies
My fears are gone
And it's like coming home
I know I'll be alright, with my angels in disguise.

They are my armour, they make me strong
They don't judge me when I get it wrong
They just help me to mend my ways
and lead me on to better days

And in 30 years or so, I'll still be able to say

They stand by my side
They light up my life
They chase away the pain and the lies
My fears are gone
And it's like coming home
I know I'll be alright, with my angels in disguise.

End of Summer

2009-09-12T13:39:00.002+01:00

Summer is drawing to a close. Sad times all round. Saw Alie for the last time until we meet again at Christmas. It's alot easier to do it this time because we know that when we come home things won't have changed. We also know what we are going back to, as we've done it once before. Apart from Vikki, but she'll be fine, I bet she'll love it and come back with a Dublin accent.

Last night there was a bit of an argument to do with Ciara's leaving thing. Vikki and Becca weren't invited and they were annoyed we went and didn't tell Ciara she was out of order. It all got silly and blown up. Then was like forced into Becca's car and left at Ross' party. It was quite awkward at first because there were a million people we didn't know and girls generally don't like me. But then we relaxed a bit and had some bant. And it was really good to spend some time with Dee Dee, I hadn't really realised how much I missed him.
Also DC was quite odd about JK and he found it quite awkward. He's always really struck me as a very extroverted, outgoing person, but after talking to him a while we found out he really hates big crowds, and he was also being really quiet and subdued last night, which he put down to tiredness.

David Lyness' party was v. good, I played rockband! I enjoyed it immensely even though I was crap at it!

Lately I've been getting up so early (for me), so I'm exhausted, plus I've done something nasty to my neck, it aches like a billio. It must be that exercise dvd I'm doing, the African Groove part has some crazy head movements in it, like "head to the side, head to the other side, SWING" like a bison dance. I've been doing the dvd for a little while, and I actually think I'm fatter than I was when I started it. Which is probably the most depressing thought I've had in a while.

Gossip Points:

There are none, everyone is boring. No one fancies anyone or anything. Nothing remotely interesting. I wasn't even going to post because I literally had nothing to give. But I wanted to just detail what I've done lately for the future memoirs.

Bye my crazy cats.

Rare Lonely Moments...

2009-09-08T15:11:00.003+01:00

..Are very silly.

Gossip Points:

Campbell boy ML is gay. I was LAST to find out.
Campbell boy KE hates my guts.
I beat Rebecca at pool.
Saturday: We went shopping for outfits for Sunday night (we were going to a Jungle party at Scratch, hosted by a friend of Vikki's) We got matching playsuits (as shown below)
Then I went to Maura and Niall's for Callum's 18th birthday, got a bit tipsy on red wine and made friends with his little geeky friends!
Sunday: Went to JUNGLE PARTY! Started at mine with Becca's gin jelly, my Sex on the Beach, and Vikki's white wine spritzers. Then got the train where we had a conversation which STAYS ON THE TRAIN! Then we missed our stop, got off at city hospital and walked through the hospital dressed like that > So by this point we really needed the loo and went to Lavery's where the bouncers were lovely and said we were like GI Jane..Then we got to the party and saw this randomer Campbell MH who I'd met like twice before, and the rest hadn't met. And we thought we'd be friendly and say hi, and he was like MAJORLY BFFy with us. After the party, we decided to go to Rain, and we walked up to the bouncer and he was really rude and said "Not tonight, girls" and wouldn't give a reason. I mean we were all sober. So I decided to be really nice and polite and ask if I could have a word and he just said "No." and turned his back on me. I replied that I was being polite and didn't think I deserve this rudeness and then his friend said they don't give reasons as "it's policy". That's basically a way that bouncers can discriminate about ugly/fat/foreign people. I was made to feel like a common criminal, and was really upset by his behaviour. Bouncers are just thicko ex-cons/paramilitaries who have power issues because they have such crap lowpaid jobs.
Monday: Went to Villa Italia with the girls and then to parlour. Parlour was okay, MH was there and being a bit stalkery, and KE was there sending hate waves. Loads of people we knew were there which just made it a bit awkward really. Blundy was licking the Campbell guys' bums which was annoying as they clearly don't care much about him as they left him to go into parlour alone. Then we went to get chips and in the chip shop there was this absolute lunatic who kept drumming the table and then went under the table and actually ate chips off the floor with his mouth. Didn't manage to put me off mine though!
Ben Moore apologised to me, I think it was because he tried to dance with me the last time, I pretended not to know what he was on about to save him embarrassment, but I think it's really nice of him to say it!

I'm actually starving, so I'll be off!

Byee!xxx

Congratulations!

2009-09-01T18:55:00.002+01:00

The view count has reached 100! And I only got it like 2 weeks ago!

Gossip Points

My Agent has come through with the information. And there is no gossip to give unfortunately.
Saw Hatboy in Nando's (see http://mytravellingstar.blogspot.com/2009/08/hello-chums.html, gossip point 4). And it was so awkward, but he gave me a free drink! I felt so bad!
At parlour last night met the following: Mckinly, Paddy, Ben Moore, Holmsey, Tom Picken and Matthew Murphy. Katty spent the whole night having a little heart to heart with MM. BM tried to..."dance" with me. Paddy was doing ballroom dancing with us, for like the whole night. Holmsey was absolutely hammered and latched on to Hannah for the rest of the night, to our amusement. All in all, a really fun night!
Turns out Paddy is not gay...but bi..

Anyway I'm feeling a little bad about the Gossip Points, but it says in the Bible you shouldn't gossip. But I think what I write isn't really gossip, because it isn't malicious rumours. Just facts that have happened in my life recently. I mean I don't post nasty things about other people..it's more gossip about me than anyone else! And it's way easier to write and for other people to read about what's happening lately when it's in bullet points!

Was supposed to go to the cinema tonight, but they are going to see an uber crap film, so might miss it. Plus I'm all tired from my exercise DVD, which I've been doing sporadically over the summer. Though I've now decided that I'm going to do it every day until I leave for university. Which means, by then, I'll hopefully be toned and fit!

The Piano

2009-08-31T15:03:00.004+01:00

This film, despite being a "cult classic" is the most disturbing film I have seen in my life. For the first half hour it was boring. For the rest of it, I was disgusted and freaked out.

Gossip Points

My friends read my Rage Post and laughed
Thursday was Mummy's birthday and we had a lovely time doing facemasks, watching horror films and eating a random assortment of food in our pjs
Friday, we went to Auntie Annies then to Dillon's to watch that disgusting film. Katty was annoyed because Blundy was invited and she was stressed about the awkwardness that isn't actually there but Katty invents.
Also, Vikki told Becca she wasn't going to the camping trip the day after. Becca wasn't happy, and they're having this retarded little fight.
On the camping trip Becca felt it was weird with one of the boys...
I have hired another undercover sleuth. Everyone knows what happened last time I hired a sleuth in Operation Holmes. Hopefully this will go better. And if my agent comes up with the goods, I will post it in the gossip.
Alie's weekend went well except we didn't come up because some idiot boys either make other plans or don't text back. Last night though, she was in the club for 15 minutes until she had to leave with one of her friends who was really, really drunk and fell asleep. Then she had to wait until 2.
After Friday I came home to a conversation with Nick where he basically told me how a girl who was hotter than me and dirtier than me gave him a handjob over his clothes. Wonderful. That made me feel great. What I didn't understand was that he goes on and on about how much he cares about me and loves me and stuff, and then goes and does that with a girl he doesn't even know the name of. It just made me think words are so cheap, and maybe during the relationship he had the same mentality. Anyway, it just made me think I really wouldn't want to be in a relationship where someone would do that with a random girl within 2 seconds of meeting her. That's not the kind of person I'd want to be with. So basically, it just reinforced my decision to end it. Well, done Nicholas. Who's "stupid" now..?

It's Parlour tonight. I wanted to go into town to possibly buy something that doesn't make me look like a toe. But Rebecca won't text back or answer her phone, so I might go with Mummy or just not go at all, and make do with looking like a toe.

I know I'm going to sound petty..

2009-08-26T22:21:00.003+01:00

But I am so angry and upset with our friends. This incident is far from isolated, neither is the effect felt by not only me, but others. But tonight, the crusader boys were having people round their house. And first of all, Becca and Katty called me and asked if I was going. My mum had been really sick earlier, like we started to go to the shops but she had to turn round and go home, she was that bad. And I didn't want to ask them for a lift. So I'm not angry about that at all..I feel bad about the lifts I get. But then they didn't go...why? Because they "didn't know people"...apart from Alie and Ciara and Dalex and Tim and... you get the picture. So then Alie calls them to ask them if they are coming and Becca is talking to her, and Alie offers to pass the phone to Ross for directions (and he could hear what was going on) and Becca refused profusely and loudly. Which is actually nothing but rude, especially given that he was only going to give directions. Okay so then Vikki texts me. Offers to give me a lift, that she'd call me in 20 mins to discuss. Note I didn't ask her, this was out of the blue. So I think oh! Exciting! So I tame my hair, and get ready. Hour goes by and no phone call..so I call her and first thing is "Is Becca going? You call Rebecca, find out if she's going, then text me."
So I call Rebecca. Big surprise, doesn't pick up. Call Katty, Kat says they went home. I sort of blew up at Katty a bit, which she didn't deserve at all, but mainly because I could forsee what was going to happen. So then I call Vikki, tell her Rebecca's not going, and of course she's not going to go because Rebecca's not.

This is what makes me REALLY upset.
It's happened so many times before. Me and Alie going to Burkes, get a call from Vikki who's up for something...I get a barrage of questions "Where's Rebecca? What time did Rebecca leave? Is she not going? Oh...wellll....think I'm just going to go home then."
And of course me and Alie felt like shit. We're supposed to be friends as well, but it's funny how that isn't enough for her to go. It has to be Rebecca.
It upsets us, because it's like we aren't good enough. At all.

They are literally scared to be out of this...well, what shall we call it, because it looks like a clique from here, because they can't go to anything without a million of the rest of us by their sides. These are nice genuine guys. People who it would be nice to get to know. And I even know for a fact that Rebecca would definitely like to get to know one of them better, and they were SO up for it yesterday.
What a joke, what a fucking joke.

BBQ and "Limelight"

2009-08-26T14:12:00.002+01:00

Went to "limelight" last night. It was really good. Er.

Had a bbq in Seapark yesterday, actually bought so much crap then all the boys left early leaving us with this massive barbeque and mounds of meat. Not happy! There were also a million wasps, so I was on edge a bit.

Gossip Points:

The boy that we have reason to believe that Rebecca fancies said that he would be up for playing tennis with her. And a person close to the source said that she should "go for it"...have to wait and see what happens!
Ciara made a comment about how long distance relationships can "work and be finee!" in front of me and McCloy. Cue uncomfortability!
AG has returned back to his hole in university. Thank goodness, we need not be in fear of bumping into him.
NEW MOON IS OUT on the 20th of November...Should tell Nick to book that off, so we can go, because I know he's like majorly excited about it

I really think Ciara doesn't like me, and it really upsets me, I mean it was fine at summer madness, but now she's quite distant to me. Maybe she read the blog and thought I hated her, which is clearly untrue, I'm just worried about her and want to be friends!

Need a hair cut. It won't EVER go right. I tried curling it last night. It looked a literal mess, don't understand it!!

I'm feeling quite left out of the boy drama's, with Alie and her brother triangle, Ciara and Dal, Becca and......, then all the blossoming relationships, MB and CM, PL and SE...I just want a boy to fancy. Not to go out with, but just to have the feelings of really liking someone. It's really boring to like no one..

Ciao, chums! xx

Social Recluse..

2009-08-24T19:03:00.003+01:00

Gossip Points

There is going to be a fun daytrip to Newcastle this Saturday as Alie's friends are up!
I've lost weight! I'm not the same weight as my sis! YESS!
Apparently the guy from Operation Holmes and Rocky actually did like me. But he went about it in such a creepy way that his friends found it funny and it turned into a joke. Anyway he's not going to be here this year anyway.

Saw Alie today and went for a walk, was v good. Organised the Newcastle trip, and talked about uni and Christianity, and how difficult it will be when we get back!

I just whacked my arm of the stairs and it hurts like a billio. Goodness, in so much PAIN. Supposed to be going to Jo's for bible study at 9...but it means I have to get directions and lift off mother who is feeling a bit ill today, so I feel bad making her do that!

Really not arsed to write anymore. The people who read this know me, so if they need burning details concerning anything they can talk to me.

A year ago..

2009-08-21T00:40:00.002+01:00

I was wondering what the chuff to do with my life as I had recieved results that meant I had to go through clearing. A year ago, my parents bought me music books to cheer me up. A year ago I walked out the house at 6am to bawl my eyes out in seapark, concerning some passing dogwalkers. A year ago, I declined going to Box because I felt way too depressed.

This year, I can actually enjoy Results Day. Because I'm not getting any results. So I went to Box with Vikki, Becca and Alex. It was weird, because I didn't get BAD results (AAB), but because I didn't get into my universities then it was a day of depression, when I should actually have been celebrating the good results I DID get. Maybe tonight I was able to celebrate it! We got there at half 8 and it was PACKED. We got in, danced...then left at half eleven. How antibant!

Anyway: Gossip Points

Big Numero Uno Gossip Point: SB and LR have SPLIT UP. Yes, folks, my ex-boyfriend and his lifelong soulmate are no more! I know it's horrible and cruel and I shouldn't think this way..but I'm sort of a little pleased. Not because she's hurt like I was or anything, because I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But because if they got married, then I would just be an embarrassment in their otherwise perfect relationship, because they went out, then he went out with me, then they went out again. So I'd just be this little crap in the middle being all like "don't mind me!". I actually sound so mean. It's hard to explain, but he meant a lot to me, and if they got married it would be like I was a blip on their life together. That I meant nothing. Anyway it's silly, I never see or speak to either any more so they aren't really in my life.
Vikki doesn't actually like Fergus anymore. So I am officially allowed to call him Fungus
Becca keeps making interesting comments about a certain person who I shall not even name the initials of. All you have to know is that it isn't AG. I think she lurrrrves this person. 4evs.
A guy me and Becca think is hot sent me a facebook message on my wall. Asking if I missed him and all! And I thought "scooreee!"....till I looked at the Wall-to-Wall and saw that while being facebook raped, Sarah Fecking Hamilton had sent him a message telling him I missed him loooads. And I was so excited. Becca's actually going to laugh when she hears this as I was talking about it at Bax.

I've given up on my middle parting, as I saw Scarlett Johansson's middle parted straightened hair being schlagged in a magazine. So I've gone back to a sidey for the moment. Or at least for tonight. Also it went curly. I used to have a sidey for yeeearrrrs, though I've forgotten which side it was on, so I'll have to look at old pics..I'm going to get it cut as it is long and splitendy. But I need a style but I don't know what I'd suit...help!

Anyway, over and out, lads!

Sarah Furbank...teabagged your ma

2009-08-20T01:44:00.002+01:00

Tonight my mother found out what "teabagging", "fletching" and a "donkey punch" was. She wants to forbid me from going back to university now after hearing what I learnt there!
That's what comes from being friends with a load of retarded boys though.
Okay soooo, gossip points:

PL and SE are quote "official [but] they just aren't really telling anyone" from a source close to the couple.
Vikki met Fergus in Rain last night. Me and Rebecca went home, while she got a lift from said boy. We do wonder whether it was more than a little planned...
I am fucked-off about this stupid idiocy about inviting people places. I know it's an accident and my friends are literal retards. But still, it shows that you were actually NOT thought about. At any point.

So last night we went to the cinema to see the Time Travellers Wife. Then went to Rain. Film was sad, though feel embarrassed for Speersy who was sobbing audibly. Rain was alright. Some dude from the year above us was quite drunk and came over to talk to us. I was literally pressganged into taking shots and as a result got a bit tipsy. And this is not a lie. "Sarah, get a shot, do it do it do it.....Sarah get another one, cooommmeee onnn....Saraahh do the supersoaker tequila shot its free, please you're single, pleaseplzplzplzplz"

Then there's the whole "other group", which there was a bit of drama about at the start of summer. There was a whole split between Alie and the rest of the girls, because she was friends with Ciara, SE, CM and the crusader boys. That calmed down a bit. But I do think there is still a bit of a split. Definitely not with Alie, as she's still our best friend and there's no problem there. But recently Ciara's been getting a little odd. We thought it may be almost territorial about the boys...but then I spoke to her and she said she's fine. Either way, even though at the start of summer, I was at least on the fringes on the group, I'm definitely not in it now. You know when you see facebook status' about the "good bant last night"...that you most certainly were not invited to.

I know all this makes me sound like a friendless loser, who nobody likes, but what is a blog if not an emotional slate..

Oops

2009-08-18T13:42:00.001+01:00

Spoke way too soon. Just as I posted, I got a call from Vikki inviting me out today and tonight and to Rain after tonight. Feel a bit silly now...

Okay So..

2009-08-18T13:24:00.002+01:00

My friends don't seem to want to speak to me...apart from Alie.

I got one word texts from Becca and nothing from Vikki. I think they are doing something tonight. I haven't been invited.
I might know the reason why those two aren't really speaking to me. But it's not a very big reason.

Though to be fair, those two are really bad at texting. In fact the only people they actually do text regularly are boys they like. Unfortunately their friends do not fall into that category so trying to get a text out of them is like getting bloody from a stone. We have all learnt deal with it and just suck it up, but Katie is fighting, constantly reminding Becca when she doesnt't reply. Quite amusing.

My ears hurt so much after the plane yesterday, felt like I had shoved grapes with spikes on it in there.

After Wales...I feel alright. Given everything that went on, me and Nick are properly over, it feels like the end and we can finally start to move on. For some reason, that is a little sad. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I felt nothing for him, but when I saw him I realised I felt more than I thought I did. It took me a little by surprise and I was unprepared for it, so that was difficult. But the thing is, no matter what I feel I know that it is for the best and God's plan for my life is not with Nick. So it didn't change anything.

But I do feel so alone, sometimes. That's just me being silly and single. I look at couples who say they met when they were 18/19/20 (around my age) and worry that it won't happen to me until later in life or not at all.

<3 Wales

2009-08-18T00:49:00.002+01:00

Well, except for their stupid fake language.

Anyway gossip bullets!

MB and CM are official, guys!
Alex has had a word concerning her dialemma, to stop the "plan"
Vikki loves Fergus (apparently I'm not allowed to call him Fungus anymore as she gets upset)
Confusion over Mournes has subsided, the Jury has been out and the verdict has come back...and it's nothing!
Went to Wales for Karl's birthday. Was fun. Barbecue with 6ft flames. Crystal Maze. Dance mat.

Wales was harder than I thought it would be. Because me and Nick broke up long distance, we hadn't had closure and it was quite difficult sometimes. But by the end we recognised it was over and done with and could accept it and move on. With the help of an incident...

Wrote a song. It's called "It's You"

Chorus:

Did it ever cross my mind
To read between your lines
And now you're here tonight
saying "It's you"
I never realised
Now you're looking in my eyes
And I am so surprised
To find..it's you.

Not that lyrically clever. But so what? I'm in the girly mainstream mood. So, cliche me up baby!

Hello Chums

2009-08-13T18:42:00.002+01:00

Long time no see. So. Bullet points of gossip and my summer!

I am single! Felt it wasn't working so I broke up with Nick. Need to have a relationship with myself before having one with someone else.
A certain Sullivan Boy (PL) and a certain Sullivan Girl (in the year below, SE) are officially together!
Vikki met a boy called Fungus (Fergus, but I prefer the mushroom related name) and fancies him a lot. He works in Nandos and if she breaks his heart we can never go there again
We can never go to Nandos again anyway because Fergus' friend Hatboy got our numbers and texted me and I never replied so it may be awkward.
A certain Sullivan Boy (MB) and a new girl to the group (CM). This MB has also lost alot of weight and some may say that has given him a bit of an arrogant aura.
Went to Italy and the crappest theme park in the world. It contained the Museum of Starting Handles. Indeed.
New club opened up - Rain. V good indeed. Lots of trips out and trips to peoples houses. Got to know crusader lot very well.
Went to the Mournes to camp and climb mountains. There was a lot of interesting instances. Kings/Ring of Fire was played. Blundo was sick. People kissed.
Leading on from the previous, someone feels something very odd that they shouldn't really be feeling, and is a little confused, but is going to ignore it and continue on as they have
I'm loving Chart Music. What?!
Alex fancies a certain Crusader (DC), but thinks Ciara has a secret plan to set her up with DC's brother!
Another Crusader (JS) has finally made peace with Becca concerning some fashion comments...in fact he was seen at her house at a BBQ.
I feel like Gossip Girl, which is pretty gay.

That's it for now lads. Either gonna nap or get ready for limelight. So not up for it after 2 days being a tramp in the Mournes.

Birthday and Exams

2009-06-04T15:19:00.005+01:00

Calories: Cheese and tomato panini (710.76 calories (ew seriously fatness in a piece of bread), celery(6 cals), Cauliflower and broccoli casserole bake (209 cals), Saute Potatoes(113 cals)
Total: 1002 Cal

Current State Of The Union

Jane Austen PLUS ZOMBIES (book I got. It is awesome. Elizabeth Bennet killing zombies. )

Penelope my new harddrive :) She's gorgeous and now has a load of films on it and I am yet to get a truckload of disneyys!

All my friends, seriously guys you rock!

OUT

Sequences and Series (gonna DIE)

Differential Equations lecturer as he does not give follow through marks, the git.
General EXAMS

I had a luverly birthday, the DC dudes and dudettes threw a little surprise party for me. I was actually so oblivious to all the preparation that I am shocked at how stupid I am. I am currently in the midst of exams. First one went okay. But tomorrows one I am soiling myself for. It's so hard, and our lecturer decided he wouldn't put past papers up. The best way I can learn is from example so doing this is detrimental, yet he thinks he's so clever. But believe me, he won't be so clever when he has a horde of angry students storming his house. Grrr.

7 months for me and Nicholas tomorrow. This will be my longest continuous relationship. I mean, me and Stuart were together for a cumulative 14 months. 7 months the first time, then another 7 months a year later. And there were so many day breaks or week breaks in them that it probably isn't even that.

I'm quite annoyed though. There really isn't anything on the internet for the ginger loving lady. So I may start a site for all those girls who adore the copper tops. Because there are actually a surprising number of us who find the redheads gorgeously irresistable.

And oh my gosh. Sexy Prince Harry.

He is inspiration to gingers everywhere who think they are unattractive. How can ANYONE think that is unsexy?!

You can rule me any day <3<3<3

Weeelllll I also got a top from Nick. It says "I love gingers" on it. Fab, eh?

I think you'll need an operation...

2009-05-14T12:48:00.004+01:00

Current State of the Union

IN

Sci Fi films (Star Trek was actually awsum. As in. He was hot.)
Drugs (not the snortysnort kind! The benadril and paracetemol kind, because I've had back problems and hayfever problems!)
Johnson's Holiday thing....was never really out...but bring on the ginger legsss!

OUT

Obesity (I think I am making hedgeway on it...slowly but surely! Waist size is definitely lower than what it was, and people mention how i've lost weight...Yay!)
Still Boys frankly...
Pollen (*sneeze* :(:(:( )

Okay, so I have a problem, which up to now I didn't have a solution to. Basically, there is this guy in halls (Let's call him Mr.X) who i thought was a nice person...not necessarily hot but I didn't fancy him, thought he was a friendly aquaintance. Then over easter he started saying "I miss you", "I fancy you"...and all sorts. Now this came out of the blue...so when I got back to uni he started saying it and all his friends giggle and all. So I came up with Operation Holmes.

OPERATION HOLMES

The Problem: I don't know whether it is a joke or not
The Solution: Undercover sleuthing
Method:
PHASE 1 - Ask Talib to go to Ebz and ask for info, remembering to seem like it's under his own steam and also that I'm not to bothered about it

Unfortunately Operation Holmes succeeded and failed at the same time. Talib was a ridiculously crap sleuther and clearly portrayed me as paranoid (even though I probably am, I needed to be portrayed as cool and nonchalant). Also, he refused to hand over information, insisting he write a thesis of it on a post-it note. I bet M never got any of this crap from Bond. He didn't even get substantial facts, it's all guesswork. Anyway Ebz says it's probably a dare as in "pretend to like Sarah"....but that means that it is a joke that someone would find me attractive ----ergo--->I'm not attractive. But...but...but he's not either....and I would like to think I'm more attractive than him. So. In the thinking machine (the shower) I came up with Operation Rocky (named because in a fight he always is beaten by the other guy before he starts to fight back!)

OPERATION ROCKY

The Problem: I've been stuck in a role as the victim, as in I'm refusing to play the game. Which is not helping me.
The Solution: Fight back. He is also not that attractive, which means he could be played in the same way he's playing me. So I need to start to play his game. And beat him at it.
Method:
PHASE 1 - Always look hot.
The best I can be. So I can look attractive in comparison to him, so it's more of a joke for me to fancy him than it is for him to fancy me. (PHASE 1 leads on to Operation Get Thin, where I get more clothes and get thinner)
PHASE 2 - Body Language
Damn I already know how to do this too well. Marshmallow eye him. Undress him with your eyes. If you talk to him, touch him or lean in. Walk sexily. The whole seduction shebang.
PHASE 3 - Talking
If he doesn't speak to you say "Hi X" really seductively with the body language and walk away. If he talks to you first with a comment reply "Hi, you're looking good today"...;) blow him a kiss. "That shirt looks really hot"...flirt basically. Remember...always take his comments further.
PHASE 4
He tells you it was a joke...you say the same....and hence you've won

But I need a LOT of confidence and courage to pull this off.
But it's okay because I don't really care about what people think of me here. Also Rocky may take me in different situations than i may think of now, so may be more operations!

I'm homee!

2009-04-10T15:28:00.003+01:00

Current State Of The Union

IN

Celery, hummmmmus and mackerel (food I actually like but does not cause me fatness issues)
Dancing
Girls

OUT

2 cheesy chips and a gravy chip....why encourage us to eat more?!
a night in
BOYS

I hate boys. Nothing has really happened to make me hate them, except that they are tiresome. And I love my girls so much more than any boy!

I always love home, but what I don't love is feeling fatttt. Mainly right now because I'm late for my *whistle* by 5 days now, which makes me bloated. Hence I feel gross. I was looking at pictures trying to find a difference in what i am now and what i was before, it's just so depressing. As well as my hair. I feel like a whole different person to the one that I was before uni. Uni destroyed me. Sad isn't it? The hair is pissing me off, I just want to be blond again and that CRAP is just clinging to my hair for dear life. I seriously am just going to bathe my head in bleach if it doesn't GO AWAY sometime soon.

Anyway when I go back to uni I'm starting the celery diet! One meal a day is celery. Yum yum. And maybe mackerel if i feel like treating myself!

I don't know what's happening with me and Nick. He's pissing me off because he's moping and being depressed, when I actually am not missing him that much. Which makes me wonder (and him wonder) about how I really feel. It may be possible that when I go to Loughborough he is like my comfort and the only thing I rely on, having had no female friends, not necessarily because I really, really want to be with him. As I said to him last night, I'll really have to see him before I can figure this stuff out.
My dreams recently show that I feel I'm in an obsessive relationship and also that recently I feel empowered.
Empowered? Bollocks

Byeeeee x

2009-03-16T01:30:00.002Z

Current State Of The Union

In

Ludovico Einaudi
Self Drying Hand Gel like in Wild Child
Quiet, Calm Sarah

Out

Crappy Keyboards
Grey Weather
Loud Hyper Sarah

Well, I should be up at 8am tomorrow for 9am lectures. Yet I'm typing a blog at 25 to 2am. Clever Sarah. I also should be well rested for the NaAAMbers coursework I'm writing up (I say "NaaaaAAAmbers" because our Numbers lecturer has this accent where the vowels are ridiculously over-pronounced).

Damn I'm listening to Ludovico Einaudi right now while typing and it's so distracting because the music is heartbreakingly beautiful. Olly got me into him, and Daddy's getting me the music book. So this Easter I will be happy Sarah!

Karly came to talk to me tonight and it was really nice because he said that before when he was in my room when I was all quiet and calm and reading the Twifag series he said that he saw what Nick sees in me. Which made me think. All the time I'm so loud, hyper, insulting and slightly mad, but maybe that obscures what I'm really like and though I try to fill silences with talk maybe it would be better to be quiet...

My special delivery is finally on it's way. After I and a few others got quite pissed off at it's lateness. I found out that surprisingly, there are one or two who actually read this. It's more surprising because I didn't really whore this one out. Hence why I have to call it my "special delivery" because it is rather secret...

Blah here's my itinery for this week and next week:

Tues - Numbers CW
Thurs - Differential Equations Test
Mon - Sequences and Series Class Test
Wed - Probabilities and statistics Class Test

I also really should change my Credits as Vikki and Ben broke up a while back. I'm worried about going home though, because I will see SB again. And I am also quite embarrassed and stuff that the people who actually read the blog saw the stuff about SB. I really should not have assumed I was talking to myself! I just don't know how I feel about things. The love I had for him is different from the love I have for Nick. With Nick it's like a river; steady and I want to protect him and just give him reassuring cuddles and kisses, because he's like a little lost boy. With SB it was like a rollercoaster; high high's and low low's, heart in the mouth, flutter stomach type of thing, intense. I don't even think I want that sort of a feeling again...so why do I feel confused?!

I thought I'd left the angst behind with the school uniform.

Bah.

Blah

2009-03-11T14:20:00.002Z

CURRENT STATE OF THE UNION

In

Sparkly Faggots
Awesome Sunglasses
Classical Music

Out

Annoying arrogant mathematicians
Food
Snow...(go away)

I'm really crap with this. Though since no one reads it there really is absolutely no pressure. Went to London, saw Les Mis, which was fabulous. Been about a month since then, just been working and stuff.

The only recent drama was this guy in my course called Olly, I got really close to him and started being attracted, as was he and we spent a few nights alone where things got dangerous. Don't worry I never cheated, and I told Nick about ALL of it. It's sad because Nick almost blames himself because he was going through some er..."manly trouble" which made me feel I wasn't desired. Anyway, I don't feel that way anymore, so I feel bad that I've caused all this hurt and confusion. Olly has a new girlfriend (which he actually acquired when he was drunk) so he shouldn't feel that way anymore either. But, I'm not sure because he's being odd about the girlfriend.

Oh my sodding life, I have just measured my waistline. I am shocked and horrified, I knew I had put on a bit of weight, but I'm now over 30 inches, it actually makes me want to throw up what I just had for lunch. I've never been over 28. I am seriously cutting out all food, FOREVER. I'm sort of wishing for what Nick wished for a few days ago. Being a mathematician...Assume that my stomach is a perfect circle, waistline being a perfect circle. Therefore (given I was 27.5 before uni) the radius of my stomach has increased by 0.398 inches to 3 significant figures. This makes me feel sick.

I have finally read every Twilight book, the last two I read these past two days. It saddens me, because I don't have that kind of happiness. It's like when you watch a romcom and you feel sad because you don't have the love and life that they have. I mentioned this the other day to Karl while Nick was there, not realising exactly what I said. That's because maybe I don't have that with him. I dug out memories of SB lately, having not thought of him for a long time since the time I cried to Blundy, it was odd. Especially as these were the sort of memories I had not looked at in a long time. The ones I generally see are the ones where things are bad, I see the break-up, the time over the Ski Trip, seeing him with LR; that type of thing. It's strange because the memories that I don't let myself see and the ones I put behind the purple curtain (http://www.bebo.com/BlogView.jsp?MemberId=2505597385&BlogId=5247594165: to find out what I mean by the purple curtain) are the happy ones; his special smile that was only for me, the way he called me princess, etcetc.
So I, dangerously, opened the purple curtain and let them out. And they broke my heart again. Bah. What is wrong with me. He's not even that good looking, neither did we get on very well, we weren't compatible personality-wise. But when ever I get all depressed that I don't have my sparkly Edward....a little voice tells me I had him, and I lost him.

xx

I Stay Up Late And Don't Do Anything Productive

2009-01-25T03:34:00.004Z

An homage to the facebook page whose doctrine I am following, and a'here we go

State Of The Union

IN

Rhianna's reworking of Dragostea Din Tei
Escape and Evade in the union
Friendly Ex's

OUT

Mika
Stalkers
"Pharisees"

For that last one I'll need to explain it in more detail, not bothered at the moment.

I have an exam on Monday and I've done nothing, so I'm slightly in the shit. Well, I did a bit. It's cram time tomorrow, yay...

Went to union past two fri nights, I kinda go and then wander around bumping into people, which is awesomeness, because I don't have to answer to anyone except myself. Though yesterday I had two stalkers, Karl and Talib, looking after me. I was sitting having a laugh with Jew and they were watching over us, so we thought it would be HiLarious if we disappeared, so we ran and got chased by Talib. Managed to lose him and ended up in JC's, was the best time I've had in the union, I felt about five years old on energy tablets. Yeah, and Jewish made some uncomfortable personal comments. I'm still a bit of a good girl at heart. Anyway, I've stayed up too late, I want to be in bed before four (for once)

CIAOO xx

3 hours sleep

2009-01-13T04:54:00.002Z

Will be all I'll get tonight. Oh Well, I have no lectures tomorrow, so yay! But unfortunately got coursework and exams to revise for. Anyway:

State of the Union

IN

Straight gay friends
Shakespeare in Love
Rediscovering Cheesy Old Music (Steps)

OUT

Fake friends
Match of the Day
Music that's "cool" but actually sounds crap

So, with the Nick thing I'm very confused, as having seen him and all, I've been flipflopping all over the place, one moment I'm almost in tears online to Blundy about SB, and then getting upset, and refusing to kiss Nick for a day or two, because it doesn't feel right. And then I switch and get tingles when he touches me, I love to look into his eyes, and really like sitting and talking crap.

It's weird it's probably the first boyfriend I've properly got on with, that I could speak to without there being any awkward silences.

But that does not maketh a relationship, that maketh a friendship. And it just remains to be seen, that we have whatever maketh a relationship...

It's also strange being back, because I realised why I didn't want to really be friends with most of the freshers. When I got back I thought I should make an effortand decided to go out with them, but then I found out the theme was Ann Summers, and they wouldn't let me go unless i wore underwear a pair of heels and nothing else. I declined. And last night they all came back from a night out and I heard them in the room next to me and suddenly a girl shouted "Okay, everyone decide who they want to have sex with and then go away".

It pisses me off that Becca expects me to try and be friends with them as everything they do goes against my principles, and I'd rather not be friends with them and retain them, than be friends with them and degrade myself by flaunting my body.

But Becca's right on one count, I need to go to CU. Which I may do tomorrow, if I'm finished my work, that is!

Anyway it's late enough and I want to get up for breakfast because (as my Dad would say) "I'm STARVING!"

Ciaoxxxxx

The Heat Is Off

2009-01-09T04:26:00.002Z

State of the union

In

Hot Pale Vampires
The Sisterhood
Casual Curls

Out

Box
Boys
Straightners

Okay, so people knew about this blog for a while, which was pretty bad, as I'm quite open in it, but like paparazzi, they've moved on.

So back to it I say.

Update till Christmas: I've had a guy called Jew, a cross between SB and WM, he was a bit of a twat so I booted his sorry ass, then got with Nicholas the current one, but he's very sensitive and I'm just...well, not, so that's kind of annoying me.

Christmas was fun, partied and realised just how fabulouso my friends are, and how much I don't want to go back. I'm leaving pretty soon actually. I couldn't sleep and have to be up at half 5 and if I sleep for an hour I'll be so much worse for wear than I am now, so this is a method of keeping awake.

Becca read in a book about the Pretzel analogy (in her words):

"Okay, so you're walking down the road and you're really really hungry, and you pass a pretzel van (don't know why we're apparently walking down Fifth Avenue, but there you go), and you are tempted to buy a pretzel but you resist it and continue walking. Then you find a fabulous restaurant and have the best dinner of your life. If you had settled for a pretzel it would have ruined your dinner, so it's an idea to wait for your dinner."

Basically your dinner is your soulmate, and pretzels are guys who...well aren't. But I don't think it's as simple as that. So I'm going to go through the men I've had and decide what they are:

Chris M - Pretzel

SB - I thought he would be my dinner, but was only a very late lunch

Lloyd - Pretzel

Chris Scott - Pretzel

Will - Was like a hot dog which tasted good at the time but gave me a stomach upset

McCloy - I'm sorry to say after what I have written, was a pretzel

Jew - bit of a fun pretzel...but it is interesting to note, that I can forsee a good friendship forming with him, because we tend to have a lark.

Nick - this is to be decided, though it's not very likely he's my dinner.

Last one is probably true because recently I've found myself thinking about a certain SB alot. I found pictures of him and a tag from my 17th birthday present in my drawer during a clean out. What's weird is that I put them in box and I'm taking them to uni. Plus I'm writing alot of music about him.

It's like I've only just stopped to take the time to get over it, as I've been running in and out of relationships, not letting things catch me up. Now, it seems they have. But I need to be kept strong and not to call him!

Love you

Sarahxxxx

Oops

2008-11-07T20:48:00.002Z

I really was hopeful when I set out on this new blog. After using bebo one for random rants at various pieces of shit, I thought I'd manage to keep it up.

But apparently, you have to do work at uni.

This was a shocker.

Anyway, I'm with the "losers" at the moment playing the wii, which I am shockingly bad at...

I promise, promise, promise to do a full update soon, well, I say full, but it has been almost a month so I'll give a skeleton outline...

I also found a little blog belonging to a certain friend of mine. I won't reveal the identity, but it made for interesting reading, and also quite irritates me as she always slagged off my blogging which I've been doing since 2005....:P

xxx

Dead

2008-10-07T12:07:00.002+01:00

From physical and emotional exhaustion and freshers flu. How did I ever think I could keep this up during freshers week??

I'm going to have to do an overview of the past week-and-a-bit. And trust me, a lot has happened. But I'm in a boring Computer App lesson at the moment and need to leave in a sec to go and pick up my student ID from Katie's flat. So I can actually eat something.

I'm not even quite sure about repeating everything that happened because I'm bound to leave a bucket of stuff out. I'll do it day by day with pictures. What fun that will be...anyway up to leaving for loughborough I was DREADING it. Like crying and all. But then I got here and loved it. But I'm finding that with many people, the ones who expected to hate it or whatever, flourished. And those who were excited...well...didn't find it all that they dreamed. And then when you are telling people about how wonderful your experience of uni is, you feel bad as they are having a crapper time.

Christianity is a problem area at the moment. If only for facts that I don't want to go into on the internet. And I probably won't talk about them with anyone. Though I'm going to the CU hopefully tonight. Though my lecture ends at six and CU starts at seven. So not much time...

Large post to follow!

"WCS"

2008-09-16T12:44:00.003+01:00

Currently Feeling: Sore Throat :(
Currently Listening To: At The Beginning - Anastasia Soundtrack
Currently Reading: Jeremy Clarkson (Again)

Right, I have a bit of time to play catch up. I'll do it quickly: I needed AAA for Bath and Warwick, I got AAB so I went through clearing, I had a look at a few universities and for some strange reason I'm not even sure of myself, I chose Loughborough. And then there was the whole trying to secure accommodation, and ensuing financial problems. Long and short of it is that I'm staying in Elvyn Richards annex of Loughborough university, moving in on the 25th.

Problem is I am not really the sporty type, and Loughborough is No.1 place for sport. I am doing maths...I expect to be bullied daily. I had a bit of a wobbly time earlier about going, just didn't feel happy about it and I just don't trust the decisions I make. But, now I feel slightly better, I mean I am fabulously relieved that Katie Hewitt will be there, for the CU and just generally to stop me getting picked on.

Well enough of that. My time has been spent at leaving parties and IKEA. And on the 20th an IKEA Leaving Party. This will be fun, the IKEA lot are rather...er...let's just say that they know how to have a good time. It will be quite sad leaving, all those memories; the trolley catapult, "boy lists" with Chelsey on a Sundee, stickball and the advanced version plungerball, pub quiz (which was a FARCE)...I wonder if I could sneak into the Christmas party this year...I could be Chelsey's significant other!

Don't think there is anything else worthy of note. People are slowly filtering away. Things with McC are good. Had a little outing with his friends last night, I think before at gatherings it was a case of "their crusader group" and "sullivan girls"..but that is mainly due to the "Witches Coven Syndrome" (WCS).

Let me explain.

The main three contenders in this are Becca, Vikki and Me, but Katie has sort of taken it on. It's where, at social outings, we seclude ourselves in a corner and whisper to eachother, making us very unapproachable.
But see being on my own with those guys, without the "coven", they were very friendly and I got on well with them.

Tonight is Dillon's party, which I feel a bit odd about, it's just the memories of the leprechaun party and the Hannah Wheatley fiasco last summer. I'm not sure but I have a feeling that maybe I want Dillon's parties to be part of the past, something to remember, as this party has a sorta forced aura as we just don't hang out with the Campbell guys anymore. Well, I'll go, don't think I'll stay over though. That ship really has sailed.

On that note I'll leave and promise to post more frequently from now on, as I am starting to give this address out to the NI lot.

Sorry about this.

2008-09-12T12:29:00.001+01:00

After the results, I was a bit busy. And I didn't know what was happening. But now it's all finalised but I have no time to blog about it. Just letting people know I'm not dead and that this will be in full swing come leaving for uni. Er. Loughborough Uni. Don't even ask.

It's looming

2008-08-12T23:32:00.002+01:00

Results, that is. But I have decided not to care and just go to Slough university with Jenny, wasters paradise!

Not dwelling on that.

Well, yesterday I went to Jessie's little movie night, which was good then Ciara, Katty, Burke, Martin, me and McCloy went with Dalex to his house (again). And this time stayed later...till about quarter to 5! And had a really, really good chat about faith and life. You realise that you really don't know how a lot of your close friends are with God. I found out a very good friend is really struggling, and another has given up. It's so sad to see this, it's almost worse that they find God and then fall away. I know that alot of this has to do with struggles and problems in peoples lives, but from my point of view, giving up on God during these times would make things 10 times worse. I can't imagine being happy without God there in my life and knowing him, I can't see how people like WM and AG can feel happy in their lives without Him. So I've made a resolve to keep talking to people about their faith and asking how their walk with God is.

Anyway that was good, and today saw Lyno and went to Burke's house to play the wii with Timmy. I was naturally awful. Then when we left at half five we met McCloy, just as we were leaving (trust him). So we literally said "hi" and "bye", and that is the last time I'll see him until the 23rd! Sad times.

Then went to the cocktail night at Becca's which was pretty good, though I actually didn't drink any cocktails because I ate too much chinese. Nothing particular happened was just a good chat and bantfest.

So that was all the happenings over the past two days save for one...

AG started talking to me, and I made a joke about his picture of the dublin girls, which to be fair he deserves for getting off with them and hurting my bestie, I mean I'm not gonna coo over their faces or whatever. And then he turned vicious and him and WM were just conferring over what was the nastiest thing they could come back with and left me in tears. So I've decided I don't want them in my life anymore. In the past they've been detrimental to my behaviour and to my faith. And I've decided i just don't want people like that around me. So, I've deleted their msn. And hope I never see them again. I mean I probably won't given we're going away soon. Though I would never want this decision to ever effect Becca and AG, I mean she doesn't seem affected by his ways like I was, and I feel that she can stay strong in her faith whatever his spiritual state is. And I know she really likes him and all I want is for her to be happy. But I mean when Vikki made this decision about Dillon we still managed to stay friends with him, and everyone seems alright about it, so I hope this goes the same way.

Anyway. I've gone on long enough.
Ciao

Trop Busy..

2008-08-11T12:16:00.002+01:00

Well, oh well. Saturday, Beach club was fabulous. By far my favourite club. Though we did spend a while following the photographer around to try and get our picture but he kept taking pictures of all these slappers. Finally we cajoled a guy outside to take one ----->

Oh, and a girl flashed her boobs from onstage. Funny as.

Then we found a dude passed out over a bin. Not so funny, so I tried to talk to him and ask if he wanted a taxi, or where his friends were. Poor lad. But in the end we gave up.

Last night I get a call at like half ten. "Come to this randoms house". So I agree and go down with McCloy, Martin and Dalex. Left the house at like half 11 but then went to Dalex's and had a huge chat with him and McCloy, till about half 2!

But I really like McCloy...it's awful, I used to be so "ugh boys" and I think my friends are a bit disappointed in me for it! To be fair I make myself nauseous with how mushy I am being even now. But it's weird, I had fears that it would be like the other guys. Y'know, getting them, seeing them, realising that I actually don't like them, then bye bye boys. I said to Becca that I had only ever got the little pain in the chest feeling where you can't breathe with one guy, when I first kissed WM. And I was worried that I wouldn't get that feeling with McCloy. But, actually I feel it when he touches me (not in that way, you pervert). Like, last night I was talking to Dal while sitting with McCloy, and it was so hard to concentrate on what Dal was saying, it was awful!

Anyway didn't get to sleep until 7am, but that's because I couldn't sleep till about four, but that was when my sister decided to get up and go to her house party and didnt stop thumping about until 6am and I went down stairs literally grumpiest ever and said "JUST GO TO SCOTLAND!"

Dunno what the plan is tonight. Might be a dvd night at Jessies.

Up at the Crack Of Dawn

2008-08-09T10:53:00.000+01:00

Currently feeling: like I want to go back to sleep
Currently listening to: My dads tape from downstairs
Currently Reading: Absolute Power still (not getting through them as quickly nowadays)

Or 10:30, as it's known to most.

Couldn't sleep last night until about 3, because the mind was whirling, and I feel a bit of a need to chuck down what was whirling through it.
1) Had a little fantasy about going to limelight and punching WM. That evolved into punching both WM and AG. Then it turned into tying them both to a chair and taping their mouths so they don't come out with inane prattling at interrupt me, and then me telling them exactly what I think of them. Then leaving them there. Ideally should be outside in a blizzard..
2)First Music Idea was the cup game and hand clapping games, y'know "boomsnapclap" etc. and turning them into an odd rhythm experiment. Maybe just the rhythms and the bass line. Could mess about with eJay and Mozart. So remember to download this software to laptop.
3)Second Music Idea - Beatz versions of a couple of the songs I wrote. A good one would be Guardian angel. Instrumental would work techno-wise.

Went to see Mamma Mia again last night. It's awesomeness did not lessen the second time...

Today I am working 12:45 - 16:45.
Boring.
I'm also going to Beach Club tonight with the work girls such as Chel and Kim and Sam, because we haven't had girly fun in yonks.
But then I had forgotten about Becca and Vikki going with Ben and Vikki's church crowd to Beach. I was invited to, but don't really fancy it as I don't know them very well.
But then I also forgot McCloy is back tonight from his Cranfield camp and being bum chums with SB...so he may want to meet.
But THEN Bails texts the following:

"Do u fancy doin summat today? I dont know if u are in the country but i have not seen you for ages. I dont know wat like but any ideas would be good"

I'm not quite sure whether that was a group message or just to me. I used to be quite close to him, was reading through our old emails, we used to have a lovely serious correspondance going on.

PS. REMEMBER WORK CARD!!!!!

Post Before Work

2008-08-07T16:57:00.001+01:00

Currently feeling: wanting to be on my own
Currently listening to: Jesse McCartney - Just So You Know
Currently reading: Absolute Power - David Baldacci

Just something before I go to work at six. I really should get in early today and sort out my card. But d'ya know what, I'm not sure I care that much, I'm leaving soon to go to university, so when Yvonne said "it may go in your file" I wasn't exactly shaking in my safety boots. Anyway, works getting a bit miserable because most people are leaving and Jeremy's left already, which is really quite sad, as I'll miss the silly boy...

I'm in that sort of quiet mood, where you just want to be alone and left to your thoughts. I'm possibly going to take my notebook into work and continue to write the song I've been working on. To be fair I don't do much in work, and it's not exactly rocket science either.

Everyones going out to Box tonight. Apparently Ian A is going to texas or something silly like that, and we're to say goodbye. But I really am not in the mood for going out. I was speaking to Rebecca yesterday and told her about my song and she was being really stupid and completely missed the point of it saying "sounds lyk ur up urself", when really it's the opposite. Then she told me don't go out if I'm going to be in that mood. So I won't go out. She can go by herself, because Hannah won't go with her and Vikki, Alie and Blackie aren't home yet. Instead of talking to people I don't like and dancing to crap music I will have some "me-time". Face mask, nails, watch a movie, have a bath with a book. The whole thing. And then an early night...

Okay maybe that's pushing it, I'll try and sleep before 1am...

The First

2008-08-07T01:01:00.000+01:00

And hopefully not last. Writing these "beginning entries" is always quite exciting. A new path. Starting out. But the flipside is that I do have to start from the beginning. I can't just pick up in the middle of my life. Blogs and diaries are written as if you are telling it to another person. "Dear Diary" and all of that. So it just doesn't work for me if i just start talking. I mean, you wouldn't meet someone new and say "So Jim was talking to Jessica about what happened at that party I went to where I got drunk and danced with you-know-who..". It just would not make sense. Anyway I don't like introducing myself, because I never know what to say, and it just gets embarrassing for all involved. May have to put a little cast of characters by the side to make it easier. Plus due to past experiances I'm not altogether happy putting full names on the web.

Okay, next on the agenda, the name of this URL is "my travelling star"...a reference to a James Taylor song, I and my father love. It's about his father who left home because he was a travelling man, and that's where his heart lay. I felt it was appropriate for leaving home, and I just plain like James Taylor, so stick that in your juice box and suck it.

Plus, I've been whiling away my summer doing sod all, and just going out to Limelight/Parlour/Box/Whatever. I don't really think it's worthwhile.

Anyway, when I'm famous....I can use this stuff for my memoirs...